he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
