By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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