Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
