how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
