DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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