You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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