So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
