You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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