Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
