So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
