Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
