I swear she didn't look like that last week.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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