I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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