I got chris browned last night
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
