READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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