My friends, they love my intelligence
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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