I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
