i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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