Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
