Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
