we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
