You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
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