dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
