I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
