He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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