I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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