Apparently you make a good broom.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
