I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
