I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
