Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
