Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
