6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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