I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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