Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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