I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
