thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
