some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
