Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
