I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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