I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
