Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
