Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You took a bar mat shot.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
