Small penises have feelings too.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
