I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
