i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
