Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
