A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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