i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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