Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Come see our sink grown plant.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
