Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize