I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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