Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
