Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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