i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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